FUTURE CHARACTER DOSSIER
[[Image of coffee mug (label: Shifty).]]
NAME: SHIFTY
HEIGHT: 0.008838 FURLONGS
WEIGHT: 48,125 PENNYWEIGHT
AGE: 4,931 FORTNIGHT
PRIMARY ABILITIES: LISTLESSNESS, SARCASM, SITTING
SECONDARY ABILITIES: CHANGE HEIGHT, WEIGHT, AGE AND OUTER APPEARANCE AT WILL; ADVANCED ALIEN KNOWLEDGE
HISTORY: CLASSIFIED
HOBBIES: CLASSIFIED
CURRENT LOCATION: GRAND CANYON
STATUS: SHIFTY IS CURRENTLY UNDERGOING A PERCEIVED RIGHT OF INITIATION. HE IS SHIFTING INTO EVERY ROCK IN THE GRAND CANYON. THIS HAS BEEN THE CASE FOR THIRTY SEVEN YEARS.
